26-Apr-2007:

The last few years, I have relished a personal banquet comprised of The Great Books. My reading queue has been overwhelmed by the proposed 'canon' of many factions. I had a pretty good jump on the BBC 100 when I started in 2005, but am now dismayed by a list supplemented with Classical university studies, psychology and historical tracts, Science Fiction 100, Children's classic literature, and abundant authoritative lists of 'must reads'.

My conclusion revisits the feeling of despair I had at the age of eleven when searching my parents library for something new. "I'll never be able to read them all." Not only are there too many books - there are too many esteemed books. My initial response - Accelerate! But I find that this is a detrimental approach to properly digest the material. With audiobooks in particular (My 2-hour daily commute is still in effect), I have difficulty absorbing everything already and find I often need to hear the work twice to really integrate the ideas with my own. This is especially true of essays and other non-fiction works, and less true of novels.

In the course of this adventure, I have made a personal observation - there is a subset of fiction I truly abhor. These authors are skilled in dragging the reader through the muck of life, tasting futility and suffering at a personal level. Their success level is quite high on that point. However, in each case there is no redemption either for the character or for those around them. The story is never reconciled, and therefore not satisfying. Perhaps it is because I don't meet with a bunch of literary critics who can tell me what the author really means. I find this latter approach distasteful, because if you need a departmental chair in literature to decipher the point - what is the point? As pointed out in 'Back to School' - Professor Turner asserts Vonnegut (Thornton Melon's ghost writer) "...doesn't know the first thing about Kurt Vonnegut."

This "Non-Redemptive" fiction genre is at the forefront on my mind having just finished Joseph Conrad's Lord Jim and subsequently listening to Melvin Bragg's literary panel discuss Conrad's "Heart of Darkness". The latter work is noted for "the horror, the horror". Other works with this same effect on me include Kafka's cockroachy "Metamorphosis", Voltaire's idiotic "Candide", Woolfe's superficial "Mrs. Dalloway", Dostoyevsky's psychotic "Crime and Punishment". Of course Lord Jim is about a good man's flawed sense of honor and the schadenfreudic biographer who disavows his own responsibility in Jim's destruction.

I'm not requiring a 'happy ending' or even that the protagonist survives the adventure. I want a glimmer of hope, atonement, observer's enlightenment - in other words, some means of making sense of the human condition. I'm sure there are those who think that point of view is irrational. Maybe so, but I don't see a 'Great' book as one that encourages a suicidal solution - either in readers or in the author. Obsessing in the futility of characters who find no resolution of their own lives nor for humankind is born of a mental sickness - either biological or self-induced. Unfortunately, the modern world has been heavily influenced by these self-centered and depressive perspectives.

Of course these authors had to write what they were filled with, and perhaps the depressive (or in Voltaire's case, the mocking) side of life sourced their inspiration. Rather, I prefer approaches that help people deal with life as it is, and snuff out the narcissistic worldview - to alleviate suffering of others instead of expanding our own. I don't know if I'll ever tackle "The Trial", "To The Lighthouse", "Nostromo" or "Brothers Karamazov", but I do know I have a lot of other territory to cover before I do.

Happy Reading and pursue a Heart of Light, even if it may be seeking Shambhala.

14-Aug-2006: For the beauty of the earth, for the glory of the skies…

This past weekend, we had a ‘philosophy’ party – a fairly regular occurrence in our household. I think this one generated the most distributed discussion that we’ve had in some time. Reverend Vinnie put a discussion list together that has us well occupied past midnight. We seek to balance liberal and conservative viewpoints so that we end up at least hearing a different perspective and really appreciating opportunities where we can agree on solutions even if our reasoning differs.

The first quest was posed as each person arrived – Draw a picture of your image of God. Talk about an opportunity for greater understanding. Several folks used the concept – ‘God can’t be drawn’ – which effectively manifested as a blank page. Ironically, yet still congruent – both conservative Christians and secular humanists adopted this same image – spirit and nothingness used the same representation (One person took it further – a blank page folded as a paper airplane). For two who put pencil to paper, a familial image was used – a favorite grandfather and comforting father figure respectively. My son drew ‘Master of Time and Space’ – a muscular character adorned with a suite of timepieces. Dad (Vince) characterized all kinds of people in a park setting with animals,

I pondered how to express ‘beyond everything’ and started with my perception…what I perceive as transcendence despite the gauzy mist of a temporal world. Immediately, I drew an eye watching the sunset. Then I thought of my beloved dome of the sky and the hidden wonders beyond that blue - I added my rendition of planets and galaxies. Then I recalled my wonder in that which is microscopic. I added perspective lines and below the sunset I had cells and DNA strands. Behind the eye, I added my thoughts – chemical structures, musical notes, books. All of these illustrate my wonder in this universe and what lies beyond the known. Pictures didn’t quite complete it, so I added these words:

Beyond What I See
More Than I Can Conceive
Greater Than My Fascination
Only Through Glimpses
Of What I Perceive
Do I Understand A Magnitude
Of Infinite Unknowables.

May you share in the wonder of this universe and the blessings of loving kindness that is within our power to spread.

As the summer kicks off, my 10 year old is really getting into music - he started playing my old guitar regularly and punching out ideas on the keyboards. What's different about this summer is that I like listening to him (The drum sessions are a different story). He's not particularly skilled at execution now, but definitely has an ear for music. Parker was two years old when he started playing on a small keyboard - along with solving puzzles, we could guess he would have a talent for math. Recently, I've noticed his voice is maturing and he can carry a tune very well. So where did this music come from?

We like telling him about his rock ancestry - Scotch-Irish relatives named McCart and Linane. But these distant relations don't point to his band becoming the new 'American' Fab Four (or his attaining knighthood well before hitting '64'). Rather, I think there's a spark in him like most of us that just needed some encouragement to start flowing.

There is always the argument for genetics. I agree that Parker has an advantage here. Dad is an accomplished guitarist and musicologist (Don't get into a music trivia contest with him... actually any trivia contest). My love of music goes back deep into childhood. For me it started with the children's choir at Ladue Chapel. Our music director Dr. Frank Perkins loved to put together full length programs. By the 4th grade, I was performing in the rock opera Joseph and his Technicolor Dreamcoat before I knew what rock or opera were. Because of Frank, I had the experience of  performing in churches and synagogues around St. Louis.

Frank also introduced us to Noah, It's Cool in the Furnace (the story of Daniel, King Nebuchadnezzar, Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego…who has a name like that?) and as we got older, Handel's Messiah. This was something for a kid who was painfully shy. Frank had me join the adult choir in 9th grade - and I don't know how he ever got me to do a duet with Brett Boal at this age but it happened. In high school, our youth group was into music - on Sunday evenings Nancy Hodge and I would sit and sing most of the Christian youth standards plus some John Denver during dinner break. Elise Johnson and I wrote music for our youth service as well (I really miss those two). School held some music experiences for me as well, but I never had a personal advocate like Frank Perkins. Thank you, Dr. Perkins!

I could also reference my family as a source of my music affinities - My dad loved singing a cappella starting in high school, and also sang in earlier incarnations of Dr. Perkins adult choir. My mom had some interest - because of her, we always had a piano available and tuned even though none of the kids had formal training. My sister played the violin starting in grade school and loved voice as well. She shared some of the choir and youth music experiences with me. The later music director had a youth bell choir and she was involved with that.

So genetics has some influence in our music wellspring, but equally important has been a facilitating environment. Parker (and Marie and I) always had instruments and encouraging people available... Vince has an inner drive that seems a source unto himself, but I suspect Chris and his cousins and Todd Rungren provided him similar music 'resources'.

There is something beyond ourselves that comes through when we have our music. I think music is really a manifestation of our individual spirit. Maybe we can't make the music ourselves, but I believe most folks live life to their own personal soundtrack. I think that's why we had the i-Pod revolution. It just naturally fits in the fabric of our being.

15-Apr-2006: The Search of the Heroine

There is no shortage of inspiring stories for those pursuing a hero’s journey. At some point though, girls (and women) will seek role models that align closely with their belief and thought structure. Regardless of what this post-feminist era teaches us of the roles of men and women, we remain different biological constructs including our brain anatomy.

The difficulty, even when finding a strong female character in a heroic encounter, is that the goddess role is emphasized rather than an independent experience. This heroine is often (and far too predictably) driven to fulfillment through her male counterpart. This approach is especially true in Austen’s characters of Elizabeth Bennet, Emma Woodhouse and Anne Eliott; but also manifests to a lesser degree in Scarlett O’Hara and Jean Auel’s Ayla. Even Hermione Granger with her superior intellect is ancillary to Harry Potter’s greater objective. Of course, the persistent Disney Princess notion of Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, et al, continues to distort the female heroic journey.

For me, Meg Murry O’Keefe of Madeleine L’Engle’s "Time Quartet" is the literature character closest to my archetype. She still finds her strength through Calvin O’Keefe – but more in a true heroic cycle switch. Calvin’s love of literature is yin to Meg’s yangish predilection for math and science. He truly plays her supporting role, while remaining that which she lives for.

Meg’s trials are used to confront something bigger than herself – the battle against universal "Nothingness." She and her brother Calvin take on the metaphorical Echthroi and learn that love is the human tool to defeat fear and egoism.

I appreciate the deeper topics that Meg is asked to take on – almost universally, the battle is not with the Echthroi but within herself. She must overcome her own fears and prejudices. In overcoming her selfish tendencies, the evil is nullified – the tyrant topples. These stories depict our perennial battles – not whether we will marry our soul mates, but whether the human spirit can resist annihilation at the hand of hate and self-interest.

I hope I can be like Meg and learn to love in the face of fear and blind hatred. This is the spiritual battle that every individual must fight. Our whole universe is in the balance. Will you give in to selfish impulses, or choose to abandon ego and embrace a nobler vision for yourself and humanity?

22-Mar-2006: Mythic Language

In lieu of a formal blog entry, I am posting an essay on this site called Mythic Language.  I originally was writing a blog entry in late February after being inspired by Karen Armstrong's autobiography The Spiral Staircase. I felt a great deal of parallelism with her personal journey and gathered some thoughts together. It took a few more weeks (and some vacation time) before I finalized it and I found the direct notes gleaned from her book were edited out.  Nonetheless, she was a catalyst for the Mythic Language essay and hopefully this attribution will encourage you to look into her collection of works on World Religions and cultural anthropology.

29-Jan-2006: Inspiration – From Which Way Cometh?

How does one find meaning in their own unique existence? Does it erupt happenstance while following the folly of the day? Is it a more contrived occurrence – presented by a well-meaning preacher, composer or lecturer whereby one merely partakes of the offered fruit? Can someone make plans to discover the underlying truth? Or must they simply have faith and all will be bestowed upon them? If one fails to have faith or outright rejects the proffered notion, is the wonder of life barred from them forever?

I think that each person’s greatest gift is to seek a unique meaning in life. If you live through someone else’s beliefs or seek pleasures vicariously – ultimately you cannot realize your own life. That isn’t to deny that your inspiration may directly benefit from the discoveries of others or from seemingly random circumstances. Indeed, part of this hero’s journey is the joy of discovering what you can give to others. However, until you begin understanding your own ideas and talents, do you have anything of substance to give? Our potentialities are multitudinous – we are unlikely to discover all avenues to the fullest, and yet the journey itself yields the joy. Echoing a theme in the movie "What the Bleep Do We Know"… How far down the rabbit hole do you want to go?

Music and literature can also trigger ideas or enhance understanding. Learning itself can be a fire that drives us to find our own passions. Yet other works may completely shut us down. What student hasn’t nodded off at some time or another during his academic career (and it wasn’t always late night study sessions or parties at the root)? Some literary works I truly relish, others I completely abhor, still others fail to move me at all. I know that Beethoven symphonies fire up my creativity, energy and productivity while working, while other classical composers distract or over-relax.

As a teenager, I remember a specific experience that was precipitated by reading Catherine Marshall’s novel Christy. I later read many of her other works including A Man Called Peter, a unique biography of her husband, but none matched the spiritual impact of the first book. I think that it spoke to me at that time because of my contemporaneous experiences – the mystical presence that Christy observed when ill, was closer to my experience of God-presence than anything I heard in church or observed in other religious contexts. Ironically, even as I became more involved in church activities, my mind and heart were preparing for a broader spiritual experience than I would ever find in any religion of set doctrines.

Perhaps red flags are going up – the word ‘mystical’ induces strong reactions. Don’t worry too much – I am strongly rooted in rational, scientific thought. And yet I know that that the physical world cannot provide answers to my most important questions. You see, while electrical currents can be observed routing through the brain, the thoughts themselves cannot be independently verified. I know that cognitive patterns permit complex linkages of various image memories. But even that is just allowing for filtering and representation of brain ‘facts’ collected over time. What creates the ‘ah-ha’ moment that constitutes innovation, love, inspiration, and transcendence? While we may recognize the emotional relationships to each of these, they are far more complex than ‘feeling’. Matthew Alper even pursued the concept in The God Part of the Brain – but his conclusion deteriorated on his assumption that because spiritual experience can be measured in the brain, it must originate there. For him, there was no possible answer beyond the physical world. For others, these concepts marked the launch of proto-sciences called neurotheology and evolutionary psychology.

As thinking individuals, it is in our nature to seek meaning – perhaps for minor moments, perhaps in whole lifetimes or even beyond. We can rest on rationality – but this rationality falls apart at the moment of death. You see, even when life departs from us, our bodies do not immediately lose mass. The essential wonder is life itself – it is in itself ethereal, a mist, to a large extent unknowable – physically manifest yet transcendent to the material world.

So, here I am, on the cusp of rational thought and mystical being. Actually this is a very rewarding place to be. I can observe the absurdity of the daily news with some detachment – for there will always be fools and politicians. Perhaps we do move towards a majority who desires the end of the world – these Armageddon rhythms exhaust me. If so, I shall rest in the fact that my carbon, nitrogen and hydrogen will go on forever and may be dedicated to a more intelligent life in a fleeting billion years – after our sun dies and a new one is born. Similarly my life essence shall rest in the spiritual realm beyond time and space – that mystical place where I have already been for that eternal moment.

I have been holding back, waiting for inspiration in this new year, but sometimes you just have to sit down and start writing. You never know what may flow from pen to paper (or keyboard to file).

8-Nov-2005: Mythological Journey – My Initiation

According to Joseph Campbell's Hero Cycle, the initiation to the hero's journey is foretold by a messenger or guide, often providing talismans or esoteric knowledge. It is not unusual, in a real-life journey, for a teenager to encounter messengers in the guise of teachers. At least, that was true for my personal narrative. In the tapestry of teachers who have impacted my life, there are two standouts that were my dynamic duo in high school - true "Pillars of Parkway" – Bettie Brakebill and Melba "Jimi" James. I cannot separate or elevate either as my "best teacher" because together they represent my yin and yang.

In 10th grade, I took Biology - what I consider my first real science course under the tutelage of Dr. James. Prior to this point, I found science boring - a series of short unrelated modules looking at onion skins under the microscope or marble velocity changes when hitting an immovable object. There was no coherence. In biology, I started to see scientific relationships beyond the individual unit material - later I learned that the divisions between chemistry, biology and physics are arbitrary and somewhat artificial lines - but at this time, I had merely a glimpse. More importantly, I couldn't get enough of all the sciences and wanted to learn as much as possible. The next year, I took Chemistry, Human Anatomy and Physiology (with Dr. James), and Medical Science. The following year, I took Physics and AP Biology – the latter again with Dr. James. During this period, I formulated a yearning for medical science, and sought to master math and all sciences. I remember drawing 3-D cellular structures intermixed with chemical formulas - e.g., ribosomes transcribing DNA strands and mitochondria powerhouses producing ATP. I don't think that aspect of science has changed... yet? Of course, this was after taking Ms. Ratcliff’s near-Honors chemistry class my junior year. That scientific fascination continued into my Chemical Engineering/Pre-Med undergraduate curriculum - and even to a brief graduate effort in Fermentation Technology/Bioengineering.

Dr. James was also then the director of the St. Louis Science Fair, and encouraged each of her students to participate. I entered in the Physics division and remember the night of the awards ceremony. I was sitting in the bleachers next to Martha Papay who had an entry in the Chemistry division. We both took turns accepting awards from Dr. James – for someone as shy as I was back then, I was the reddest face in Queeny Park that night. Martha ultimately trumped everyone by winning top prize – she went on to win the International Science Fair, and went to Sweden to attend the Nobel awards. Oh well – those memories still fire up my competitive spirit (thanks, Martha!). Dr. James was a clear participant in that overwhelming memory. Dr. James also attended the ceremonial dinner with me for the award from SWE (Society of Women’s Engineers) conferred that evening. But best of all, I took a trip to Dearborn, Michigan – Henry Ford Museum with two other winners hosted by Union Electric. This was my first plane trip and my first long-distance trip without anyone familiar. Through the open doors of mystery… and into the belly of the whale – the unknown realm of adulthood.

Dr. James instilled in me the challenge of scientific endeavors and a desire to pursue excellence that still resonates with me in adulthood.

At the same time this budding scientist was emerging, up a flight or two in the same building, Miz Brakebill was challenging the other side of my brain by immersing me in the world of great books. I have noted that impact in an earlier journal entry called ‘The Great Books’. I also shared my writings and enjoyed receiving her comments on those works.

A bit ironically, each of these teachers challenged my thinking in the realm of the others role. It was in Dr. James' classes that I first recognized the organization and preparation that a well-delivered lecture requires – observing her referencing of detailed notes to ensure the topic was fully covered. Mrs. Brakebill started counseling my senior year, and she was my primary consultant for defining a career path. Noting my accomplishments at the Science Fair, she challenged me to investigate engineering as a career path. So, ultimately they worked in concert although I doubt in consultation.

In more than one sense, because of Mrs. Brakebill and Dr. James, I achieved a balance between the poet and the scientist both resident in my psyche. That is perhaps… Realist with a sense of wonder? Source of creativity grounded in logic? Challenger of conventional wisdom and memetic programming? Pursuer of a higher truth? One could attribute each of these to my characterization.

My "initiation" sparkles with the contributions of hundreds of students, teachers and acquaintances, but these two teachers are more than noteworthy. I would not be the person I am today without their contributions to my academic and personal perspective. My hope for each of you is the blessing of such messengers – not to imitate, but to independently urge you on towards your unique herostory – a personal narrative sui generis.

8-Oct-2005: Hitting the Jackpot

25-Sep-2005: Learning to be a Modern Day Hero

20-Jul-2005: Harry’s Newest Adventure

So much to do – I didn’t get Harry Potter and The Half-Blood Prince until 4PM on Saturday (Amazon delivery) and finished the book last night before fixing dinner after work – as usual, the ending was tremendously suspenseful.

I know I will be updating Meeting with the Goddess and Atonement with the Father – you see… the major death had to occur in the sequence of events. I just wasn’t sure if Harry’s independence would start in Book 6 or Book 7, and so hesitated developing this aspect of the myth analysis. 

Without going further, I leave you with a favorite quote on each of us following the hero’s path – Joe himself reads this illuminating passage as an introduction to The Hero’s Adventure episode of the PBS Power of Myth series.

"For the heroes of all time have gone before us; the labyrinth is thoroughly known; we have only to follow the thread of the hero-path. And where we had thought to find an abomination, we shall find a god; where we had thought to slay another, we shall slay ourselves; where we had thought to travel outward, we shall come to the center of our own existence; where we had thought to be alone, we shall be with all the world." – Joseph Campbell in The Hero with a Thousand Faces (http://www.jcf.org)

This series is a modern world mythology in every sense.

11-Jul-2005: The Stuff of Dreams

This past week, our family has been watching videos of Carl Gustav Jung taken late in his life (He died very near the time I was born – truth comes out…) and on the subsequent research pursued by the Jung Institute. Jung was a psychiatrist that gained fame in several areas of his professional study – he defined the basis for most personality tests used today. Anyone who has taken a Myers-Briggs test or similar would be familiar with the terminology crafted by Jung – e.g., extrovert/introvert/sensing/intuition/thinking/feeling. He directed one of his patients to seek recovery from alcoholism in spiritual reconciliation. This patient’s success was an inspiration to Bob Smith and Bill Wilson in the forming of Alcoholics Anonymous - from which sprang many modern-day 12-step self-help programs. Jung was one of the first to associate psychological needs with mythological narratives – a linkage of spirituality with a physical human need.

But more generally, Carl Jung is known for his analysis of dreams and hypothesis of the collective unconscious. Dreams are a means, in psychological terms, for our personal unconscious to deliver messages, in chunks we can handle, to conscious thought. These dreams are comprised of "little dreams" that help us work through personal problems, and of "big dreams" that invoke symbolism that transcends cultural limitations, and introduces us to the lexicon of the human psyche.

It is from Jung that Joseph Campbell learned how to interpret myths through application of Jungian archetypes. Jung identified the hero archetype itself. So, if you can’t tell by the intro to this entry, I find Carl Jung fascinating. The videos show him traveling the world, interviewing diverse and isolated populations about their dreams. Of note were interviews with African tribesman and Taos Pueblo Indians who described how Jung honored them with his attentiveness and continued friendship. He was truly interested in the relationships between all people – that in some way, we all are connected.

I had what I think was a little dream last night, but I have smiled several times today in remembrance. I dreamt I overslept – a typical dream of mine tied to a most definite personal reality. But this time, I was back in my childhood home as an adult. I stood in front of a mirror getting ready for work, brushing my teeth and putting earrings on, and kept glancing at my watch. I was talking to my mother and my grandmother as I prepared. Every time I looked at the watch, I lost great amounts of time so that instead of 7 AM, it was after 10 AM and I was ready to give up on getting to work. I paused and looked directly at my grandmother, saying "you know I’ve missed you", and she answered "Oh, honey, I know you have", expressed such joy and inner sparkle and gave me a hug so intense and welcome I can’t express. I woke up shortly after, about 4AM and had to re-orient my reality…my grandmother passed away over five years ago.

9-Jul-2005: The Great Books

1-Jul-2005: Confessions of a "would-be" Writer

I am acutely aware of my sparse updates to this blog for the last three months. This knowledge is source of guilt – I began this blog for three reasons:

1. To put a personal slant on how mythological archetypes influence our practical lives;

2. To discipline my writing and allow for psychological time to develop ideas;

3. To provide a legacy for my son to understand how mom thinks – something I wish I had more to draw on from my mom, grandmothers, aunts and cherished family friends.

Concurrently, my thoughts on my updates to the Harry Potter analysis also run guilty. I was inspired to this analysis when Order of the Phoenix was released two years ago. In two weeks, Jo Rowling will release her next installment – how could I be so delinquent, that a mere analysis could take longer? I take solace in knowing that my essays cannot really be completed until the series itself is written. But that doesn’t stop the guilt of the half-written updates cluttering my desk and hard-drive.

The guilt, I’m afraid, doesn’t stop there. I also have written partial analyses on three movies (Kingdom of Heaven, What the Bleep, Passion of the Christ); I have toyed with heroic thoughts on Lord of the Rings, Robinson Crusoe, and the biographies of James Joyce, Mozart and Beethoven. Perhaps the title of this blog should be Tales of the Frustrated Writer.

So, why the angst – from one who writes of mellow thoughts and meditation? In mid-April, I made a work transition – moving from 1 company/1 project to 2 companies/4 projects across the Kansas City metro. Add heavy road construction and heavy traffic and suddenly I lose my critical meditation time. For me, the flow of ideas is heavily dependent on my ability to quiet my thoughts – and this has been a difficult state to attain.

In the same timeframe, I decided to plan our first real vacation in three years (yes ‘three’ is an incidental theme of this blog). My plan was to share with my family several places that brighten my childhood memories. I also naively believed I might get some writing in. We departed June 18^th for Colorado Springs. My mind finally cleared last Wednesday once I accepted that we couldn’t see everything I hoped. This wonderful state lasted until Monday morning when I succumbed to chaos. This morning, I am working from home – drinking my favorite fresh brewed coffee blend and taking some time before settling in on work tasks to write this entry. So this is an indulgent entry – heavy on catharsis of the above guilty thoughts.

Now to share some favorite ‘still’ moments from last week:

28-Jan-2005: Educating Milum

24-Jan-2005: Who is this stranger, Death?

19-Jan-2005: Here sets the dome of the sky...